I'm never gonna drink again,

At least not with the finer men.

At a celebration,

Offering libations,

From the Appalachian,

I couldn't resist,

One little kiss.

But now the Bacchic thrill is gone,

I didn't mean to lead you on,

My heart was not the one behind

This amatory crime,

No champagne does it every time.

I'm singular and most off key,

When bubbles get ahold of me,

Taking the equation,

Of the fermentation,

And the cool persuasion,

I've got no hope,

I'm such a b***h.

In wine historiography,

You'll find me under fancy-free,

I can't be held accountable,

My word's not worth a dime,

When champagne does it everytime,

Oh yeah, well when champagne does it,

Uuhh, bubbles do it,

When champagne does it every time.